June 24, 2025, 5:16 am | Read time: 4 minutes
Editor Louisa Stoeffler discovered quite late that she has naturally curly hair—even though she was told for decades that she had straight hair. In her personal account, she shares how she rediscovered her natural hair texture and the role social media, hair care knowledge, and family influences played in this journey.
I am 35 years old and have just discovered that I have curls. Not just a few waves or unruly volume at the roots, as I thought for years–but real, springy 3a/3b curls. Compare the cover photo and my author photo. The same person–and no perm! And honestly, I’m angry. At the system, at ignorance, at generations of women in my family–and a little at myself too.
A Childhood Full of Misunderstandings–and Scissor Interventions
As a toddler, I had cute corkscrew curls. There are still photos of them. Shortly after, they were cut off. Again and again. What I only know now: My grandmother had a real obsession with hair. Her motto: “Short hair is easy to care for.” She wore her hair extremely short, cut off every wave as a child because she was bullied–and passed this attitude on to the next generation. My mother, in turn, assumed for years that once my curls were cut as a child, they would never come back. Combing my hair was always a torture; I cried, screamed, and broke many a hairbrush.
So I long believed my hair was just… difficult. Hardly straightenable, without texture, somehow shapeless and straw-like. And by the second day after washing, my hair was greasy, flat, or a straw bale.
The Curls Were Never Gone–I Just Didn’t Know How to Care for Them
Only through a trial styling for my wedding and some product recommendations from my stylist did I discover the colorful world of HairTok and more. One video, in particular, stuck with me: “Do your hair look like this when wet? Then you probably have curls or waves”–and it clicked for me. There were many other women with my hair structure, with my frizz texture. Now I learned: Frizz is not the same as split ends. Frizz is hair that wants to curl–and is not damaged. The difference? Care. Knowledge. Patience.
I dove into the world of the Curly Girl Method, tested low poo, tried treatments, leave-ins, mousse, and diffuser hair dryers. I treated my damaged lengths with hyped bond-repair products and plenty of proteins and moisture. I learned not to comb my hair anymore, but only to detangle it with conditioner when wet. I discovered that my hair wasn’t greasy, but simply dried out because I had deprived it of everything for years.
The Social Media Jungle: CurlTok, Curl Police & the Feeling of Doing Everything Wrong
But honestly: As magical as the internet can be–it can also be intimidating. Especially when you venture into the curly content jungle on TikTok or Instagram. For every helpful routine, there are ten opposing opinions. One says: “Never with heat!”, another: “Only with plopping!”, a third shouts: “Finger-coiling is a must!”
And then there’s the so-called curl police–creators who tell you that your curls aren’t real enough. That you’re “forcing” them. That you don’t have a “real curl type.” That you’re using products incorrectly. And you sit there with your wet towel turban (of course, microfiber) and think: “Can I even call this curls?”
This gatekeeper mentality helps no one. Because the path to your own curls is not straight. It’s trial and error. It’s a labyrinth of instructions, routines, ingredient analyses, and–quite honestly–sometimes frustration. I’ve spent too much time researching, only to find on the next wash day: This product makes my hair straw-like or the once-loved hair oil contains so many silicones that I can’t “scrunch out” my hair after the routine because they’re so weighed down that they lose all texture.
But then–suddenly–you find a routine that fits. And then there’s that one day when you look in the mirror and think: “There you are.”
Also interesting: “Every 7 Years, Hair Texture Changes”–Myth or Reality?
The Return of My Curls–and a New Perspective on Myself
Today, after months of proper care, I am finally happy with my hair. And I love it. It’s wild, rebellious, alive–a bit like me. I’m proud of it, but also sad. Sad that for over 30 years, no one taught me how to handle it. That we grow up in a world where “straight” is still considered the ideal. Where women with curls are taught to tame them–instead of celebrating them.
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Conclusion: Hair is Political–and Personal
My curl journey is more than just a beauty thing–and far from over. It’s a piece of identity discovery. I had to turn 35 to realize: This is who I really am. And I’m not alone. If you’re reading this and also think you have “difficult” hair–you might just have curls. And you can reclaim them. In your own way. Not TikTok’s way.